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Jokes « Blackpresence Forums

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Jokes

(2 posts)

  1. admin
    Yoot
    Key Master
    Score: 14

    WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY...

    LAST WEEK WAS MY BIRTHDAY AND I DIDN'T FEEL VERY WELL WAKING UP
    THAT MORNING. I WENT DOWNSTAIRS FOR BREAKFAST HOPING MY WIFE WOULD BE
    PLEASANT AND SAY, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!", AND POSSIBLY HAVE A PRESENT
    FOR ME. AS IT TURNED OUT, SHE BARELY SAID GOOD MORNING, LET ALONE
    "HAPPY BIRTHDAY."

    I THOUGHT... WELL, THAT'S MARRIAGE FOR YOU, BUT THE KIDS WILL
    REMEMBER.

    MY KIDS CAME INTO BREAKFAST AND DIDN'T SAY A WORD. SO WHEN I LEFT
    FOR THE OFFICE, I WAS FEELING PRETTY LOW AND SOMEWHAT DESPONDENT.
    AS I WALKED INTO MY OFFICE, MY SECRETARY JANE SAID, "GOOD
    MORNING,BOSS, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" IT FELT A LITTLE BETTER THAT AT LEAST SOMEONE
    HAD REMEMBERED. I WORKED UNTIL ONE O'CLOCKAND THEN JANE KNOCKED ON MY
    DOOR AND SAID, "YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY OUTSIDE, AND IT'S
    YOUR BIRTHDAY, LET'S GO OUT TO LUNCH, JUST YOU AND ME."
    I SAID, "THANKS JANE, THAT'S THE GREATEST THING I'VE HEARD ALL
    DAY.LET'S GO!"

    WE WENT TO LUNCH. BUT WE DIDN'T GO WHERE WE NORMALLY WOULD GO. WE
    DINED
    INSTEAD AT A LITTLE PLACE WITH A PRIVATE TABLE.
    WE HAD TWO MARTINIS EACH AND I ENJOYED THE MEAL TREMENDOUSLY ON
    THE WAY
    BACK TO THE OFFICE, JANE SAID, "YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL
    DAY... WE
    DON'T NEED TO GO BACK TO THE OFFICE, DO WE?"
    I RESPONDED, "I GUESS NOT. WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND?"
    SHE SAID, "LET'S GO TO MY
    APARTMENT."
    AFTER ARRIVING AT HER APARTMENT JANE TURNED TO ME AND SAID,
    "BOSS,IF YOU
    DON'T MIND, I'M GOING TO STEP INTO THE BEDROOM FOR A MOMENT.I'LL
    BE RIGHT
    BACK."

    "OK." I NERVOUSLY REPLIED.
    SHE WENT INTO THE BEDROOM AND, AFTER A COUPLE OF MINUTES, SHE
    CAME OUT
    CARRYING A HUGE BIRTHDAY CAKE... FOLLOWED BY MY WIFE, KIDS, AND
    DOZENS OF MY FRIENDS AND CO-WORKERS, ALL SINGING "HAPPY BIRTHDAY".
    >>>AND I JUST SAT THERE......
    >>>
    >>>
    >>>
    >>>
    >>>ON THE COUCH...
    >>>
    >>>
    >>>NAKED.

    The Black Presence Forums - The place to get it off your chest http://www.blackpresence.co.uk/bpforum/


    Posted 7 months ago #

  2. admin
    Yoot
    Key Master
    Score: 14

    An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand, walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog.

    He figures he'll have a little fun with the Kiwi.

    Ventriloquist: "G'day, mind if I talk to your dog?"

    Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."

    Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"

    Dog: "Doin' all right."

    Villager: (look of extreme shock)

    Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the villager)

    Dog: "Yep"

    Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"

    Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."

    Villager: (look of utter disbelief)

    Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

    Villager: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think."

    Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

    Horse: "Cool"

    Villager: (absolutely dumbfounded)

    Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager)

    Horse: "Yep"

    Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?

    Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."

    Villager: (total look of amazement)

    Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

    Villager: (in a panic) "The sheep's a bloody liar!"


    Posted 7 months ago #

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