Blackpresence Forums » Topic: Jokes

Blackpresence Forums » Topic: Jokes http://www.blackpresence.co.uk/bpforum/ Blackpresence Forums » Topic: Jokes en Sun, 01 Aug 2010 08:17:48 +0000 admin on "Jokes" http://www.blackpresence.co.uk/bpforum/topic/jokes#post-7 Sun, 10 Jan 2010 19:55:46 +0000 admin 7@http://www.blackpresence.co.uk/bpforum/ An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand, walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun with the Kiwi. Ventriloquist: "G'day, mind if I talk to your dog?" Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie." Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?" Dog: "Doin' all right." Villager: (look of extreme shock) Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the villager) Dog: "Yep" Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?" Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play." Villager: (look of utter disbelief) Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?" Villager: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think." Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?" Horse: "Cool" Villager: (absolutely dumbfounded) Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager) Horse: "Yep" Ventriloquist: How does he treat you? Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements." Villager: (total look of amazement) Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?" Villager: (in a panic) "The sheep's a bloody liar!" <script type="text/javascript" src="http://twitter.com/javascripts/blogger.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://twitter.com/statuses/user_timeline/blackpresence.json?callback=twitterCallback2&count=1"></script></code> admin on "Jokes" http://www.blackpresence.co.uk/bpforum/topic/jokes#post-4 Sun, 10 Jan 2010 17:31:25 +0000 admin 4@http://www.blackpresence.co.uk/bpforum/ WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY... LAST WEEK WAS MY BIRTHDAY AND I DIDN'T FEEL VERY WELL WAKING UP THAT MORNING. I WENT DOWNSTAIRS FOR BREAKFAST HOPING MY WIFE WOULD BE PLEASANT AND SAY, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!", AND POSSIBLY HAVE A PRESENT FOR ME. AS IT TURNED OUT, SHE BARELY SAID GOOD MORNING, LET ALONE "HAPPY BIRTHDAY." I THOUGHT... WELL, THAT'S MARRIAGE FOR YOU, BUT THE KIDS WILL REMEMBER. MY KIDS CAME INTO BREAKFAST AND DIDN'T SAY A WORD. SO WHEN I LEFT FOR THE OFFICE, I WAS FEELING PRETTY LOW AND SOMEWHAT DESPONDENT. AS I WALKED INTO MY OFFICE, MY SECRETARY JANE SAID, "GOOD MORNING,BOSS, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" IT FELT A LITTLE BETTER THAT AT LEAST SOMEONE HAD REMEMBERED. I WORKED UNTIL ONE O'CLOCKAND THEN JANE KNOCKED ON MY DOOR AND SAID, "YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY OUTSIDE, AND IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, LET'S GO OUT TO LUNCH, JUST YOU AND ME." I SAID, "THANKS JANE, THAT'S THE GREATEST THING I'VE HEARD ALL DAY.LET'S GO!" WE WENT TO LUNCH. BUT WE DIDN'T GO WHERE WE NORMALLY WOULD GO. WE DINED INSTEAD AT A LITTLE PLACE WITH A PRIVATE TABLE. WE HAD TWO MARTINIS EACH AND I ENJOYED THE MEAL TREMENDOUSLY ON THE WAY BACK TO THE OFFICE, JANE SAID, "YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY... WE DON'T NEED TO GO BACK TO THE OFFICE, DO WE?" I RESPONDED, "I GUESS NOT. WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND?" SHE SAID, "LET'S GO TO MY APARTMENT." AFTER ARRIVING AT HER APARTMENT JANE TURNED TO ME AND SAID, "BOSS,IF YOU DON'T MIND, I'M GOING TO STEP INTO THE BEDROOM FOR A MOMENT.I'LL BE RIGHT BACK." "OK." I NERVOUSLY REPLIED. SHE WENT INTO THE BEDROOM AND, AFTER A COUPLE OF MINUTES, SHE CAME OUT CARRYING A HUGE BIRTHDAY CAKE... FOLLOWED BY MY WIFE, KIDS, AND DOZENS OF MY FRIENDS AND CO-WORKERS, ALL SINGING "HAPPY BIRTHDAY". >>>AND I JUST SAT THERE...... >>> >>> >>> >>> >>>ON THE COUCH... >>> >>> >>>NAKED. <img src="http://www.blackpresence.co.uk/bpforum/bb-plugins/my-plugins/default/icon_biggrin.gif" title=":D" class="bb_smilies" /> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://twitter.com/javascripts/blogger.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://twitter.com/statuses/user_timeline/blackpresence.json?callback=twitterCallback2&count=1"></script></code>